i had a glimpse of you in the past today
young and full of a brightness that has not faded
it made me wonder what events of erosion
made you into the person today that you are
what catastrophes deepened the chasms
what galactic tremblings built those cliffs
would i still see echoes of this youth
in amidst the sunshine and storms
of the man you are now
would you share them with me
or lock them with you in your tomb

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

i can never speak it aloud
this terrifying loneliness
that haunts me when the moon is bright
it is a gaping maw
a deep void inside
the sharp teeth digging in
willing to pull me farther down
deep into the silence
where comfort does not exist

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

it was you
wasn’t it
who brought me back to life
who breathed it back into me
who filled my cup
who fed me when i was starved
who led me to the morning
one hand in mine
one gentle on my back
one quiet breath
one sweet press of lips
one warm presence at my side
it was you
wasn’t it

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

many days i spend believing love will find me
eventually
but there are days like today
where the truth overloads the circuits
sharply pulling me back from golden hope
into the dark abyss of reality
and i cave inward, gravity pulling me in
to the black hole of realization
that i
was not made for love
that all this emotion, all this hope, all this
had and never will have a destination
much less a journey to take me there
and i
scream into the blackened skies of my dreams
desperately wondering why i was made this way
why no one matched, met me where it matters
no one fought, or sought me out
why i
wanted nothing more than the solace of a kiss
or the comfort of an embrace
and yet was denied it all
i will go to darkened earth
folded beneath layers of sod and moss and leaves
wondering why i was made at all
if sorrow and loneliness was to be my fate

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

it has been many years that i’ve been here
existed in this electronic jungle
this coding turned graphic interface
using the pathways as a means of communication
desperate for someone, anyone
possible digital or analog companion
to read the words i have shared
and know me as if they always had
there have been some who have read
all that i have bared to the universal platforms
and stayed with me at the juncture of sites
but they were brief,
spanning only a millisecond of life
before something more interesting
or less physically strange
got caught in their wires
and they followed their way away
none have stayed
none have yet chosen to
for once it would be nice
if someone heard what i couldn’t say
if someone could see me
through the mainframe and find me

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

i do not deign to believe him to be
any more than a flawed human being
as we all are
he is made up of faults and mistakes
much like everyone else
yet i can say with alacrity
that he is more than he allows himself to be
even knowing the little I do about him
he cannot save anyone
this is a truth that cannot be argued
yet somehow he brought me back to life

it is possible that by writing about him
as my muse has decided to do with abundance
that the probability of meeting him face to face
dwindle to terrible odds
yet even with that outcome
i will share the words he inspires in me
if only to share the joy with which i now write
even if that writing be of pain,
sorrow, or loneliness
that it occurs at all
is a joy I must now share

© J. K. Fugitt 2023

it is with hope
bright and incandescent
that perhaps by perseverance alone
whoever it shall be who finds me
shall do so now
to love me
to care for me
to be my solid shore
so that I can be their anchor

© J. K. Fugitt 2023