The Poetry and Prose of Johanna Kaye Fugitt
“It’ll get better”, he said,
arousing my curiosity as I fled
my embarrassment, my shame,
my ever-increasing desire
to wrap my soul around his existence.
The words mean many things,
each one indicating knowledge
of my growing attraction,
of my growing fear,
of my body breaking down;
each one revolving in my mind.
Oh how he sees me.
I have missed it and fear it.
The more he sees me,
the more he knows me,
the more he affects me.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
In this heart of mine,
I am fearful to find
the truth of my sorrows
laid bare.
For what might I see
hidden beneath
the surface of my existence.
Would I find an empty soul
host among the lives I have lived
or would I find
a mystery of paths
woven into a tangle
hiding the true way
I must follow.
Perhaps the truth I find
shall be the lie
of who I try to be
perhaps I will only find myself.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
The sun rises,
bright, flaring disk,
over dark plains.
Morning has come,
cold, damp, promising.
I am awake,
from dreaming rest,
as never before.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
A light shimmers,
brief on the horizon.
Another dark night
ends with the laughter of rain,
the clash of thunder.
Walking slowly,
the falling drops envelope me,
peace fills my empty, aching heart.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
Destiny steps forward from the wall,
trembling in excitement,
the wind flowing past, carefree.
Hope raises its head from the pavement,
shivering in anticipation,
cooling rain easing atrophied muscles.
Life opens eyes closed since childhood,
quivering in expectation,
as dawn breaks over a darkened future.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
Despair pushes me under,
waves crash over my head,
struggling to catch a breath
in the drowning liquid
clogging my lungs,
stilling the flow of calm oxygen
tempering the insanity
of the dark, angry star
living inside my heart.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
Alone on a crested wave of earth,
face held up to the crying sky,
despair freezes the movement of my blood,
heart hollow and silent.
Memories play bright and full of lies
behind the darkness of my closed eyes.
Wishes trot their way into thought,
desperate to follow I reach out
to a spectre long gone.
Wisps of dreams thread
through my grasping fingers,
entangling them in unfulfilled self-promises.
Ripples of anticipation cold and dreading,
flow against the eddies of sky-tears.
Chase me away from this contented comfort,
pull me from this lonely disaster,
entrap this longing soul
with a veil of hazy companionship.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
Disaster flashes against my inner mind,
possibilities that almost desire to be made true.
I resist.
Dread reality settling its cold fingers on me,
desperation flagging the driveway of my mind,
No entry.
Longing fleetingly reminds me
what exactly it is that might be missing.
The future.
My future.
There is no self-vision of next year,
or even five years after that.
It eludes me.
I falter.
Oh, for warm hands to lift
this translucent heart.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
This place pulls at the hollow void
residing within this broken chest.
Silence comforting, estranging,
tangling up thoughts with doubt,
teasing reason with fear.
Voices speak but the distracted ear
fails to hear the sweet sound
of life so tempting.
Mercilessly the heart beats on,
a deft leader of remaining in battle,
refusing to give up yet.
Pleading for respite,
the river flows on uncaring,
laughing at all attempts to end.
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
I awaken again,
the sun filled room void
of presence
my heart convulses once
remembering
what it likes to escape
eyes close
lungs pull in
the quiet air
as the involuntary function
of living
pushes me out of bed
rarely
does that one thing
cross the canvas of mind
by continuing on
by moving my self
blessed forgetfulness sets in
© Johanna Fugitt 2017
in the end i am yours 